5 Signs Of A Happy Marriage
There are more than five signs of a happy marriage but no less than five so here are five signs of a happy marriage.
Accepting One Another’s Faults
Married couples have learned, or at least should learn, how to accept one another, faults and all. We have faults and they accept us and God knows every fault of ours, yet still loves us unconditionally. I have had a few church members come to me and say “So and so has problems and maybe you can talk to them” and if it’s not a major sin that needs to be repented of, I just say “We all fall short of God’s glory (Rom 3:23) and that includes you and me.” I make a poor imitation of the Holy Spirit. If someone does things that don’t please others and it’s just part of their personality, then we must accept them. God is the only One Who can change the heart (Prov 21:1) so we must learn to live with others who have faults; otherwise we’d have to leave the church too because we’ve got plenty that’s wrong with us. I believe that if we cast stones, the first one should be at ourselves. We can’t be casting stones at one another because none of us are without fault. Happily married couples accept one another, faults and all, because they recognize that they also have faults and they’re comfortable with their partner’s shortcomings because they’re humble enough to admit their own.
Putting their Partner First
Married couples that are happy couples don’t draw lines in the sand and say “I’ll do 50% of this and you do the other 50%.” Marriage is not a 50/50 agreement but a giving, self-sacrificing relationship where we don’t keep accounts of wrongs done. If one partner does not do something they are supposed to do, the other spouse will just do it as an act of love and service. Jesus, as God, didn’t come to be served but to serve (Luke 10:45) so we should focus on serving our spouse and not getting what we can out of them. I make a “to do” list but I don’t say, “Well, I’ll go this far but no further” because marriage is likened to the relationship that Jesus has with the church Who gave Himself for her. He gave more than the church ever could and never drew a line in the sand. Jesus went far above and beyond what He should have for us but that was motivated by love so if we’re serving our partner out of love, we won’t care about who does what and who didn’t do what.
Some of the reasons that war occur are from a lack of communication or a lack of understanding. When a married couple isn’t communicating with one another, then they are closing the problem-solving line of communication. I sometimes say things to my wife that she takes differently than in the way that I intended it so if she ever takes me the wrong way, I can communicate to her more clearly and tell her what I really meant. When there is silence at home, at the dinner table, in the car, or wherever else the couple might find themselves, then the lines of communication are cutoff and misunderstandings can occur. The best way to communicate is to speak with one another on a regular basis and if there are problems, both parties feel safe enough to bring up issues that are important to them. Do we feel safe enough to tell our marriage partner anything? I would hope so but by the way we react, we might inhibit our spouse from communicating his or her true feelings about something and they’ll just stop bringing it up. Silence is not always golden.
Learning to Forgive
The Apostle Paul wrote a lot about love, including the fact that love “does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful” (1st Cor 13:5). Paul gives us a great description of love by writing that “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1st Cor 13:4-7). Love means we forgive one another and we apologize for when we’ve offended our mate. If we consider just how much we’ve been forgiven, why wouldn’t we feel compelled to forgive our spouse seventy times seven (Matt 18:22)? Jesus isn’t saying that once you reach490 times, you’re done. This is a figure of speech as Hew means that we should be infinitely forgiving and don’t keep count.
Bragging on One Another
I love to brag on my wife. She is such a good wife and person. She is highly respected in the community in which we live and I find it a joy to tell others about her. The Proverbs say “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips” (27:2). Of course my wife’s no stranger but I think it’s still biblical to brag on her but also on others. A happy marriage is one where the couple brags privately and publically to others about how they are such a blessing. When I brag about my wife, I am specific about the things she does so it’s not just generic or vague. I have finite things that I tell others about that are specifically about what she had done and what she does as a person. Real love doesn’t boast or brag about ourselves (1st Cor 13:4) but about others. It is having a thankfulness for our spouse and being thankful to God and it is expressed to Him and to others about just how blessed we are by our spouse but it is also to be expressed to our partner. How easy it is for us to take our marriage partner for granted. In reality, there is something to brag about in everyone; with some it just might be harder (like me) but there’s always something there we can brag about in others but first and foremost, about our spouse.
Signs of a happy marriage are that they accept one another’s faults, they put their partner above their own self-interests, they keep the lines of communication open, they learn to forgive one another, and they tell others how blessed they are to be married to the person that they’re married to and they can’t wait to tell others about them. Happy marriages don’t just happen; they take work and effort. Marriage is a giving relationship and not one that is only interested in what they can get out of it. They are more concerned with serving, giving, and loving than with what they receive.
Article by Pastor Jack Wellman