Here are 6 things that you might be doing to attract the wrong person. What things might you suggest for us to consider?
Looking Desperate
If you look and act like you’re desperate for anyone then you might be attracting people to simply fill your need to have someone. I remember dating a girl in high school but at first she was what I called “hard to get.” I don’t mean that in the wrong way but she acted like she was not interested at first but I kept trying to befriend her and finally asked her out for a date. Another girl in school that acted like she’d go out with anyone and everyone had plenty of offers from other boys but this made me hesitant. I thought, “If she were that easy to go out with, then what were her morals like?” I wanted to date someone that would not be flaunting her looks and throwing herself at all the boys. The girl that was hesitant at first made me more attracted to her because I could tell she took dating and relationships seriously and this made me respect her so much more and incidentally, I never took advantage of her. I didn’t end up marrying her but if you look like you’re desperate to find someone or get a date, you could be attracting the wrong kind of person. I believe two people should become friends first.
Addicted to Love
Someone who constantly wants to make themselves attractive and make others want them is going to attract the wrong person in the sense that they might feel they’re as easy mark, so to speak. When I was young, I was not sexually promiscuous, unlike most of the other boys in school. The talk that I heard in the locker room was unabashedly shameful and I would have been mortified to hear someone talk like that about my sister. I was in a tiny minority in high school not ever pursuing a relationship just for sex. I was often made fun of for that reason but today many of my former classmates remember me for that and have a greater respect (hopefully) of me for that reason. I never acted like the other guys who were focused on what they could get out of a relationship and not what they could contribute to one. For the most part, they were only interested in one thing and you probably know what that was. I was more interested in a relationship than a “one night stand.”
Low Self-Esteem
If you were like me in my youth, you had a really low self-esteem. I never knew my real father and my mother initially didn’t want me either so I had to live with my aunt for a time. When my mother did finally come to take me back home, she had re-married and I never heard the words “I love you” or “I am so proud of you” so I suffered from a very low self-esteem. Consequently, I seemed to be a magnet for other girls who had a low self-esteem too. I don’t know how they could tell but they sensed in me the same type of low self-esteem that they had suffered from too. Many of them had the same issues at home; being unloved and the only time we were spoken to was when we were being spoken to harshly. It seemed that my mother and step-father never had anything to say to me unless it was to criticize me or speak ill of me. I was cussed out a few times too. Low self-esteem people seem drawn to each other but that’s not what you want to act like because you’ll likely attract someone who has the same tendencies.
Mr. or Mrs. Milk-toast
When you suffer from low self-esteem, people will walk all over you. They will take advantage of you too and you’ll end up nothing more than a doormat for people to wipe their feet on. If you are seen as someone that they can dominate, then you’ll likely attract someone who’s going to do just that. This type of person will do almost anything that someone wants them to do; either constructive or destructive. It can lead to a relationship that is totally one-sided. You’ll never seem to have a say in anything and that’s why someone will probably want to date you. They get a sense of power and control when they’re around a person who caves into almost anything they ask. It’ll seem like you can never do anything right and whether it’s right or not, it won’t really matter to them. It allows them to take advantage of the person and there’s no true happiness that can ever come out of such a relationship.
Insecurity
I grew up poor and I still react today to things that show my insecurity about finances. Today, I am better at trusting God with my life but I still tend to turn out the lights a lot at home (oops, sometimes when someone’s in the room!) because I grew up with little or nothing. We could hardly afford board games so I made up my own games with a deck of cards. I was very insecure growing up and today those tendencies are still there. If I am too insecure or if you are, you’re likely doing something or acting in some way that’ll attract the wrong person. You might even be looking for someone who’s got money if you grew up poor; you might seek to find a mechanic if what you drive is what I call a fixer-upper-breaker-downer. See my point? Having a sense of high insecurity makes you seem to attract those who might be problem solvers but might not make for good relationships.
The Approval Seeker
If you are constantly seeking the approval of others, this might draw or attract people that will flatter you with insincere comments or remarks just so you’ll feel better about yourself. I would rather have the wounds of a friend that the kisses of an enemy (Prov 27:6) because at least I can learn something from that but just having someone approve of who I am and what I do for no other reason than seeking the approval of others is going to draw the wrong person and for the wrong reason. The only One’s approval that I truly need is God’s and when I repented long ago and trusted in Christ, that was good enough for God the Father (2 Cor 5:17).
Conclusion
We all do things and act in certain ways that attract the wrong people but we must also think about doing for others and esteeming others better than ourselves. We’re commanded to “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Phil 2:3) and to “Be devoted to one another in love [and] honor one another above yourselves” (Rom 12:10). This means we ought to “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:21). If we do these things, we’ll attract like-minded people and avoid doing things that attract the wrong person.
Article by Pastor Jack Wellman
