Here are 7 qualities you should look for in a spouse that will never change with time.
A Believer in Christ
No one should even consider marrying a non-believer because they will never change unless God saves them but that’s a considerable gamble you’re taking because what if they don’t change and in fact, what if they grow even more carnal after you’re married? I know of a few people who married non-believers because they believed that they could bring them to saving faith by their lives but these marriages became a miserable trap for them. They couldn’t divorce because they didn’t have biblical grounds for divorce and they were bound to them for life and regretted marrying them. That’s why Paul commands believers to not be unequally yoked with non-believers, writing “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness” (2nd Cor 6:14). To be yoked means to be bound or tied up like when oxen were bound to each other by a yoke and if you have a mule and an ox teamed together, they cannot work together in unison. One will want to go one way while the other will want to go a different direction. One may even stop and the other one will have to drag the other along and the load that they are carrying or pulling will be all that more burdensome. Marry a professing Christian that you know and trust and have seen that they are genuinely saved and that will never change over time.
Someone who’s a Giver
There are basically two kinds of people in this world; there are givers and there are takers. If your potential spouse is a giver then you likely have a quality in them that will not change once they marry and over time. Someone who is not generous with their time, their talents, and their treasure before they’re married is not likely to change afterwards. If the person you are considering for marriage is a generous, giving person, then that is not likely to change over time. Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. Marriage takes a lot of work and it’s not a good idea to draw a line in the sand. Have you noticed your potential spouse gives spontaneously, offers to pay for things for you or for others, that they are generous with their time, that they sometimes donate to good causes, and that they give at least substantial offerings at church and not just the change in their pocket or purse? That is not likely to change after marriage and that’s a great quality of an ideal spouse.
Has a Positive Outlook
If you are thinking about marrying someone who is like Eor from the Winnie the Pooh cartoon who always mopes around and sees everything as negative, then what makes you think that they’ll change for the better once you marrying them? Some people are “glass half full” people while others see it as half empty. If your potential spouse is someone who believes that they can make lemonade out of lemons, that’s likely going to be a lasting and enduring quality of an ideal spouse. Naturally, there are no guarantees. On the other hand, if someone is constantly complaining about the weather, the economy, their boss and their job or any other number of things, marrying this person is a bad idea. The false idea is that once you marry them you’ll change them. I have yet to see that work out for any couple that I’ve known about in such a situation.
Is no Respecter of Person’s
The Bible teaches that “God shows no partiality” (Rom 2:11) and “that God does not show favoritism” (Acts 10:34) but if your potential spouse does, then you’ve already got a red flag. I was in a church a few years ago when an older lady who had torn and tattered clothing came to visit for the first time. I noticed that no one went up to talk to her and visit with her and make her feel welcome. Not long after that, a very well dressed young family with two children came in and sat in the back and nearly everyone went over to talk to them. Right away, I saw the duplicity in that. They had respect for the family who apparently had money but they had no regard for the older lady who appeared to be poor. If your potential spouse is no respecter of persons, that is if they don’t have a higher regard for whites over African-Americans, for richer over poor, for young over old, then you’ve likely identified a sterling quality of an ideal spouse that should not change over time.
Honesty
I remember a true story not too long ago where a young executive was just hired to be the company’s new chief operating officer (COO) after the other one retired. They interviewed him and found him to have excellent qualities, an admirable education, and good references so the board agreed to hire him. The board then dismissed the meeting and invited the newly hired COO to go down to the cafeteria and eat with the executive board members in the lunchroom. The CEO insisted the newly hired COO go before him in the lunch line and while going through the line he noticed that the man slide a couple of 2 cent patties of butter under his roll. When they got to the cashier, the man never revealed the hidden patties of butter under his roll. The CEO called the company board members together again and told them “ladies and gentlemen, I think we hired the wrong person.” For 4 cents worth of butter a man lost a job that paid $87,000.00 a year. The lesson here is if your potential spouse cheats on their taxes, steals from the company, or any other number of things like that, then you need to look elsewhere for an ideal spouse.
Honors their Parents
God commands us to honor our father and mother that it may go well with us in life (Ex 20:12). That is the very first commandment that is given that relates to our relationships with people. The first four commandments are vertical (toward God) and the next six are horizontal (dealing with human relationships). God put as the very first horizontal commandment to honor our parents because it is the most important one of all. That’s because families are the very foundation of any society. As the family goes, so goes the nation. If a potential spouse speaks harshly about their parents, talks to them condescendingly, or cares very little about their needs, then they are not honoring their parents and they are disobeying the fifth commandment. If they won’t honor their parents, what makes you think they’ll honor you in your marriage? Keep looking because this is not a good quality in a potential spouse.
Unconditionally Loves
God loves us unconditionally and we were not saved because we deserved it but only because God loved us. We didn’t earn His love any more than we earned salvation (Eph 2:8-9). If your potential spouse seems to love people and its’ not conditioned upon what others do or say to them, then that is a great quality that is likely not to change over time. God loved us while we were still enemies and wicked sinners (Rom 5:8, 10) and that’s why this love (agape or godly love) is so amazing. He loved us who were unlovable. He saved us who were unworthy. His unconditional love was revealed at the cross and so if your potential spouse loves people without regard to social status, race, religion, or behavior, then that is an ideal quality that will not likely change over time.
Conclusion
Other ideal qualities of an ideal spouse are that they are good listeners, they love children, they love animals, they obey the laws of the land, they are courteous, they are good communicators, they are hard workers, they are loyal to their friends, they are not gossipers, they strive to live a life free from sin, and they pick up after themselves. I pray you find the right qualities of a godly spouse who is an ideal spouse and that these qualities will not change with time.
Article By Pastor Jack Wellman
