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7 Things To Never Say To Your Spouse

Aug 11, 2015

There are many things that we shouldn’t say to our spouse but here are 7 things that I believe we should never, ever say to our spouse.

Nothing

What do I mean by never say “nothing” to your spouse?  This is the only one of seven things where you should say something and that is to say at least say something!  What I mean is that we should be speaking to our spouse.  Silence is not golden unless you’re robbing a bank.  There is something that you are actually saying when you say nothing at all and that is that you don’t care enough to say anything.  To say nothing is really saying a lot in the sense that you’re not interested in what your spouse says and if he or she talks to you and you don’t reply, that is about as rude as you can possibly be.  Please, I urge you, if you or your spouse don’t talk or don’t talk much at all, it could be a sign of an underlying problem that the marriage is in trouble.  Communication is a vital component of every marriage so say something; anything, but never say "nothing" at all.

You Never, You Always

This cannot be true if you say to someone “you never” or “you always.”  That cannot be true of anyone.  Who would ever always do something or who would never do something?  This seems impossible to prove and it also tells your spouse that you have no expectations for them and believe by your statement that they never will change and in your mind they will never do this and the always do that, whatever they may be, and that’s a pretty hopeless expectation to have of someone.  Why would they ever have the desire to change when you say such a thing to someone?  They just might live up (or down) to your expectations and could become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  To say someone always does something and never does such and such sends them a signal that they are beyond hope of change.

You’re Just like your Father/Mother

This is a very hurtful thing to say. One reason is that it comes across in a degrading manner about the spouse’s parent, whether it is the mother or the father.  The way that they hear this is “you’re no better than your father/mother is” and is very demeaning to both the spouse and their parent.  They might be somewhat like their parent in some ways but their parents must have some redeeming traits too and it is essentially slamming both their parent and the spouse at the same time. 

Just Forget about it; I’ll do it

When someone is trying to do something, and especially for the other spouse, and then the other spouse says “Just forget about it, I’ll do it myself” what this is really saying to them is, “You’re doing a lousy job at it. I can do it better.  Just give it up.”  Again, this is a very hurtful thing to say to your spouse.  What might happen is that they stop doing anything around the house, particularly if you keep criticizing them about the way that they do.  No, they might not do it like you do or even as good as you but they are at least contributing to the household and at that’s something, isn’t it?

My Friends Husband/Wife….

If you ever say “My friend Joni’s husband takes her out to dinner every Friday” or “My friend John’s wife always greets him with a kiss” then you are essentially saying to your spouse “You’re not as good of a spouse as my friend has” or “you’re not as good as I think you should be.”  You might not use those words but that’s the way that they take it.  It’s not wise to compare your spouse with someone else’s spouse because we really don’t know what it’s like for them behind closed doors and it sends a signal that your spouse is not good enough for you or your friend has it better.

My Mom/Dad always did it this Way

Again, this is an unfair comparison that tells your spouse you’re not even as good as your mom or dad was at something.  It could be about any number of things but the comparison game is always a losing deal for the other spouse.  You married them, not your parent.  This is also saying to them “you’re not even as good as my parents at such and such.”   Some even go so far as to says, “Here’s how my mom/dad used to do it” but they hear “You’re doing it wrong and you’re not even doing it as good as my mom/dad did it.”  That hurts and that’s a bit insulting.

You Ever Thought of Working Out?

This is obviously a jab at their weight.  I can think of kinder ways to help a spouse with a weight problem than that.  How about “Hey honey, I’ve gained few pounds and I need to exercise. Do you want to take a walk?” or “Do you want to go bike riding?”  If you say “have you ever thought about working out” they hear you say “You’re fat, shed some pounds” or “you’re so lazy.”  What we say might not be what they hear.  Words hurt.  Everyone’s body chemistry is different.  We must learn to accept the person who lives on the inside and be less concerned with the external.

Conclusion

Other hurtful things include, did you see so and so, she/he’s so beautiful/handsome or “Wow, what a hunk” or any other comment with sexual overtones.  This tells your spouse that they’re not attractive.  Also, some might say “Have you ever thought about getting another job” but they hear, “You don’t make enough money, find a better paying job.”  Whatever thing you say, here are, to me, the eight most important words that we can ever say to our spouse and they would probably lower the divorce rate; “I’m sorry.  I love you.  Please forgive me.” Those are eight things that you should customarily say to your spouse.

Article By: Jack Wellman

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